The devil his due

Par Vrittis le 15/10/2002 à 17:26:36 (#2340619)

To absent friends, lost loves, old gods, and the season of mists; and may each and every one of us always give the devil his due.
Hob Gadling, toasting upon Dream's journey to Hell in Season of Mists.





The devil his due



I should have guessed it would be a bad day from the moment when the two birds appeared almost out of thin air on the windowsill while i was sipping through my hot coffee morning routine.
I don't trust birds. Never have. I don't trust anything that could fly away from town but choose to stay; i mean look at the mess. That is why i casted a long suspicious glance toward both, but the allusion seemed to be lost on them. I quickly became painfully aware of their presence while putting on my corporate uniform. Their tiny eyes seemed to be watching my every movements, and after a while i opened the window and hushed them away. They escaped but quickly resumed their rustling agitation by settling in the tree in front of my windows, and eyeing me from there.
" What the hell is there with these birds? " i thought angrily, while quickly buttonning my sleeves. I then turned my mind to more urging matters; i had promised to take Anna to this french restaurant that was all the rage tonight, and i wanted to impress her; my hand darted toward the Dior tux vest before i could stop her but i got a grip and motionned it toward the Armani one, perhaps a bit more flattering for my shoulders. I slipped in quickly, gave the birds the finger, and stormed to the garage.

As my Jaguar purred its way through the streets, i thought idly about this morning meetings. I got my little bunch of admirative glances for the car from women, jealous glances from men, although i didn't try to count them as usual, focused that i was on other subjects. Finally i parked my little beast in front of my office building, glazing in the morning sun, all glass and metal. I hummed along the elevator as it took me to the fourty fourth floor. I frowned and darted to the doors, which i busted open; always look importantly occupied to your sulbalterns, that's how respect is earned.
But, as you may recall me saying, this was destined to be a bad day. Miss Bernan, the not-so-cute secretary (i stopped hiring cuties, they keep asking about raises after the shagging), raised a hand quizzically and said in a strange tone: " I showed your partner in your office, sir. ". I stopped dead in my tracks, and frowned a bit more: " My partner? Which partner, Miss Bernan?
- Errr... your partner, sir.
- I don't have a partner. I founded this consulting company alone, Miss Bernan. Don't you know this? "
She gave me a puzzled look: " Now that you say it, sir...
- Well, we'll have to talk about this later. Now if you please, i have a so-called 'partner' to expel from my office. " i coldly replied, opening the door.

I am a man who loves his comfort, especially at work. I got one of those revolving chairs, covered with a 'creme' leather that looks oh so Executive. I also got a few commodities for special occasions, such as some 'Romeo Y Julieta' and a nice cognac. And my 'guest' was helping himself to both.
I contemplated for a moment the empty glasses scattered in front of my desk, then the heavy cloud of smoke that was hovering toward me. The only thing i could see from the man sitting in my chair was the soles of his shoes, which he had placed in evidence on the mahogany surface of the desk. Suddenly feeling a righteous wrath, i tore through the cigar smoke to have a better look at the parasit.
He was a quite small man, a bit bald on the top, with a waxed moustache i coudln't help but find ridiculous. He put on a smile on seing me which moved his entire facial tract: " Ah, there you are! I was waiting for you ". I didn't answer, but took a step forward, pressed the 'Call' button on the com device and said in a blank voice : " Miss Bernan, please do call the police at once. There is some vermin i wish to be ridden of ". The little man smiled even more as i straightened up. He reached for the com device, and pressed the 'Call' button too. Then he said, with a strange voice : " On second thoughts, Miss Bernan, i am confident that you will not carry this order. In fact you would better cancel all appointments for this morning. We have some talking to do. " and he sat back grinning at me, as i heard horrified the obedient voice of Miss Bernan answering a definite "Yes, sir". The little man happily pointed a chair: " Please, do sit down. I'm pretty sure this is gonna take some time, seing how reluctant you are. " and puffed his own miniature cloud from the 'Romeo y Julieta'.

I obeyed, more out of sheer astonishment at the man's behavior than of obedience, and sank heavily in one of the chairs i usually treat my visitors to. It was highly uncomfortable, and kept me shifting back and forth for a minute, under the amused gaze of the little man. Then, when sure he had my whole undivided attention, he blew a nuclear-mushroom shaped cloud to the ceiling, and began to speak.
" I am here to claim your soul. Or what is left of it, as it is.
- ...???
- No questions? Then if you'll please sign this... " he continued, flourishing a stack of neatly printed sheets of paper from somewhere inside his dark coat.
" Wh... What does this mean?
- Ah. I was sure you weren't quite up to the point, were you. I am here... " he produced a pair of small glasses from his breast pocket, put them on his nose, and bent over the first paper in his hand " ... i quote; ' on behalf of the part known as the Demon, Satan, Lucifer, Trickster, or any naming for any malevolent entity opposed to Order in the known Universe, thus designating descriptions by beliefs, religious systems and sects of any kind, origin and goals as designated in the reference De Librum Fulvorum ..." he inhaled deeply " ... as being entitled to collect and handle until deposit or destruction by the means favored by the aforementioned malevolent entity the souls of those that are claimed as damned or recognized as so, under the act of agreement St John, iii, 12 ' i end quoting and could you please hand me your soul thank you?
- B... but... What are you?
- My! you really are slow. I am a demon of course. Usually people get it when i start mentioning Satan.
- You can't be a demon. There is no su...
- My good man, stop right there. ". He threw a little card at me, which almost looked like an id. The card landed on my knees, and i looked cautiously at it. There was a picture of the little man, remarkably lifelike, except that he had two little horns on his head. Next to the picture, there were only two words: Etrigan, demon. I raised my gaze to him, regaining my composure, amused at this crude attempt to disguise onseself... and lost my composure again when my eyes met the twin horns that were now crowning his baldness. " This usually helps " he smiled, as my heart suddenly decided to join my stomach in a trip to my toes.

" You really are... a demon!
- Finally! we get there
- But... but... listen, there is something obviously wrong! I don't believe in such nonsense!
- Ah, yes, but see it our way. If we only dealt with people who believe in this 'nonsense', we would rapidly be put out of business. No, modern times, modern methods. That's the way to go!
- But i didn't even sin! " i protested. My mind just decided that it was the perfect opportunity to set up a diaporama of all my deeds one could have considered as amoral. The demon's smile widened. " Ho, nice one! " he said as my mind went through the 'adult area' of my memories. " But consider, boy, that we are not talking about sins the old way anymore. We have vision. We have power. In fact, modern sinning involves almost no lust, rage, and laziness, as it used too. Modern sinning is all about desire and satisfaction.
- What do you mean?
- The deal has changed since the fifties. We don't try to get souls anymore. Too tiresome. Instead, we let them come to us, and when ready we take them. This is all done by your own lifestyle, that's the beauty of the thing. I mean look at you; you are, after all, a fine specimen of man...
- Oh, thank you " i blushed, thinking for a split moment that he was hitting on me.
- ... but completely spoiled by consumerist behavior.
- What! But i scorn at consumerism. I don't like it. I criticize it!
- Yet you obey it. Look at you, all this show off is a proof that...
- Listen, i have the money. I just buy things i like!
- Staining your soul in the process.
- That can't be. You're pulling my leg! Just prove me that this is my kind of souls you are getting! "
Etrigan smiled, and took his feet off the desk. He walked to the huge window that was overlooking the city and invited me to stand next to him. I obeyed, staring outside. And it began.

First the skyscrapers seemed to undulate slowly, and then a rip appeared between the two tallest. A dark rip growing and growing, until it finally engulfed the whole piece of world i was contemplating. We where above a huge lake of burning sulfur and brimstone, where some souls were crying to the top of what used to be their lungs. I turned toward Etrigan, who appeared to be blushing: " Well you know, we keep the old facilities for old-fashioned people who really want to come, but we don't really use it any more... ". I noticed a group of demon on one shore of the lake of fire : " What are they doing there?
- They are torturing some souls. Well let's go to the real stuff now " he hurried. I kept looking intently as the group of demons vanished from the view, and ended up quite sure that there were in the middle of a barbecue. Etrigan seemed to be aware of this too, for he kept bragging about the skydome which he described as 'wonderfully ominous, isn't it?'.
The scenery went to black again, and flashed in view again. For a moment i thought we were back in my office, but i realized i was looking at another city.
I cannot tell the numerous scenes of horror i witnessed. Men wearing the most exquisite tuxedos i had ever seen were forced to crawl in the mud and then choose among other costumes as exquisite as the first, only to start crawling again. Women were entering enticing Hair Care shops and got out crying with barely half a scalp that was growing again, for the suffering would be eternal. Numerous beautiful cars were thrown at incredible speeds on walls where they crashed in little metal lumps, while helpless souls could do nothing but watch. I almost cried when i saw a car much like mine being destroyed. Small demons were munching unhappily sushis and vegetarian food in front of chained starving nude people.
During the whole process, Etrigan kept pointing at scenes he found particularly interesting. Eventually i broke nervously and asked him to go back. Back to where the world was normal, and where only madmen and lunatics would spoil a perfectly acceptable costume.
I sighed thankfully when the scenery disappeared to be replaced by the one i knew.

" Well, back to business! " said Etrigan, resuming the position of his soles on my desk.
" I can't believe you are doing this to people like us. What should we do? Live in the wilderness?
- It doesn't help. Even the goats can be tempting for a man in the wilderness...
- Oh... ". Some pictures flashed in my mind, most of them coming straight from the 'Lust Farm' internet website.
- You're thinking about zoophily, now. See, that's another hype system we put in place, the internet. And of course, 'Chicks with Dicks' not working as well as it should, we tried to diversify... for example the special animal farms you seem to be thinking about. "
I blushed.

" So, will you sign or not?
- I... don't get it. You still need my autograph on this? Why do you let me know this now that i have seen what awaits me?
- Because the human mind works in ways that still amazes me. Because if you were one of those men whose penitence was to crawl in the mud, you would still be wearing the most gorgeous costumes. You would drive the most wonderful cars before them crashing... "
The prospect left me uneasy. The punishment was terrible indeed, but... mind you, some of the tux were really awesome looking.
" What exactly is in for me. I mean, it's Hell we're talking about.
- I prefer the term of 'Soul Behavior Readjustment Center' if you don't mind.
- Whatever!
- Weeelll, we *do* have an all-luxury policy for those who sign the contract willingly...
- Which means?
- First you get to receive all the latest hype in soul-consuming devices. Cars, fashion clothes, you name it. Then there is also the upgrade of your whole lifestyle...
- Eh?
- Your standard B level girlfriend will be replaced by an A level standard top model, all extras at your charge. You also get the 'Demoniac-complimentary-flat-extender', which increases you lifeplace's standing, in the tampering limits of this Universe.
- ...
- You are okay?
- Err, what about the top model, is it any good?
- Don't go for the brains, but a definite must in bed, if you get my drift ". He winked at me.
- I'd rather have you stay here than drifting. I don't really know...
- Come on! You won't regret it. " And saying those words, he got his feet off the desk, and bent toward me. He put his hand in the shadows of his coat : " Just think; beautiful women, latest cars, fashionable clothes. You'll have it all. Luxury will not be anymore. ". I met his eyes as his hand sprung out of the coat, holding a pen. They glistened as he dropped the pen by the stack of printed sheets in front of me. It was a Mont-Blanc. I gave in.

The afternoon went quite smoothly. Miss Brenan signaled an unexpected income from a firm we had never worked for, directly sent to a swiss account. When she looked at me, I shrugged and quickly made up a lie about 'counselling interrogations'. I went out of work to discover that my car was brand new again. Then I dumped Anna at six pm, met Angela at a Prada store at seven, and had dinner with her and one of her model friends at the french restaurant at eight. We fucked by eleven.
When I turned on the lights in my appartment, i had a hard time recognizing it. Etrigan hadn't lied about the flat extender. I finally found the kitchen, in which i could have easily fitted a swimming pool, and poured me a glass of white wine which i discovered in the fridge. I looked though the window... and there they were. The two birds on the windowsill were eyeing me again. I opened the window and stared back at them, feeling that something was not quite true there... and *poof* the two birds changed into two funny cartoon shaped cherubs.
" He lied to you, you know? It won't last after this night... " told the first one, in a high pitched voice.
" Yes he lied. It was all a lie! " echoed the second one. I was too tired to wonder if this was real or not. And when two tiny human figures ten centimeters tall with wings in the back are on your windowsill, you don't argue, except perhaps with your sanity.
" Why didn't you warn me?
- You hushed us away!
- Yes, you hushed...
- I get it! Is there a way to avoid my eternal suffering now?
- Yes there is... Wait... " the first cherub produced a tiny watch from a hidden pocket in his robe, and watched it for a moment. " No there was a way!
- So it is past now!
- I missed by what, hours?
- Eight seconds.
- Four and four.
- Why you!!!...
- Hey, you *did* gave us the finger!
- Yes you did! "
I slapped them into the night, had the satisfaction to hear two tiny 'Ouches' from somewhere below and closed the window. Then i gave the second finger of the day to the outside world in general.

I should have guessed it would be a bad day.

____________________________________________________
Même chose, même paresse *sigh* Bah, ce n'est pas grave je suppose :p merci à ceux qui lisent :)

Par Leanhaun le 15/10/2002 à 18:11:26 (#2340880)

Excellent, i've enjoy the simple sentence : "Etrigan, demon"

It will be great on my card ^^

And never trust 2 small cherubs ;)

Again, thanks Vrittis :amour:

Par Maxx le 16/10/2002 à 9:41:36 (#2343967)

Provient du message de Lisèn

Splach prouf*


* Forum Francophone.

MDR vois déja Lisèn sur son destrier au grand galop pour cloturer ce post .... :D

Et pis avec un peu de chance le prochain post sera en espagnol Olé :D

Ralalala tu as vu l heure, g t pas encore bien réveillé :p

Par Wadleight le 16/10/2002 à 13:06:02 (#2345096)

Provient du message de Maxx
MDR vois déja Lisèn sur son destrillé au grand galop pour cloturer ce post .... :D

Destrier
Ceci est un forum français, merci de le respecter Maxx :o

*go out* :D

Par Toinou le 16/10/2002 à 13:20:34 (#2345208)

*Comprend rien du tout !*

Par Nugygjim Hyny le 16/10/2002 à 13:35:15 (#2345333)

Do you.... Yahoo ?

Par Louve le 16/10/2002 à 13:42:49 (#2345404)

Maybe it would have been pleasant to do some kind of traduction even if i know that's not easy. But all threads here should have been readen by everyone.

:rolleyes: :p


Kiss ang hug

:ange:

Par Souvenir de Mekere le 16/10/2002 à 14:13:25 (#2345648)

J'aurai du me douter que ce serait une mauvaise journée dès l'instant où les deux oiseaux apparurent de nulle part sur le rebord de la fenêtre, tandis que je buvais a petite gorgée mon habituel café chaud du matin.
Je ne fais pas confiance aux oiseaux. Je ne l'ai jamais fais. Je ne fais confiance à rien de ce qui pourrait voler loin de la ville mais choisis de rester; je veux dire, regardez le bordel. C'est pourquoi je leurs jetais un long regard soupçonneux, mais ils ne semblèrent pas relever l'allusion. Je me rendis rapidement de leur pénible présence en mettant mon uniforme de la corporation. Leurs yeux minuscules semblaient observer chacun de mes mouvements, et après un moment j'ouvrit la fenêtre et les jetais dehors à grand cris. Ils se sauvèrent mais mirent rapidement fin a leur agitation en se posant dans l'arbre devant mes fenêtres, et m'observèrent de la..
"Qu'est ce qu'il se passe avec ces putains d'oiseaux? "Pensais-je avec colère, tout en boutonnant rapidement mes manches. Je me concentrai alors vers des sujets plus urgents; j'avais promis d'emmener Anna dans ce restaurant français qui était très en vogue, et je voulais l'impressionner; ma main se dirigea vers la veste de mon costar Dior avant que je ne puisse l'arrêter mais je la rattrapais et la dirigeais vers une de chez Armani, peut-être un peu plus flatteur pour mes épaules. Je l'enfilais rapidement, fit un doigt aux oiseaux, et fonçais vers le garage.

Tandis que ma jaguar ronronnait le long du chemin, mes pensées vagabondaient vers les réunions de ce matin. J’obtins mon petit lot de regards admiratifs des femmes pour la voiture, les regards jaloux des hommes, même si, contrairement à d’habitude, je n’ai pas essayé de les compter, focalisé que j'étais sur d'autres sujets. Enfin, je garais mon petit monstre devant mon bureau, brillant au soleil de matin, tout de verre et de métal. Je chantonnais dans l'ascenseur pendant qu'il m’emmenait au quarante-quatrième étage. J'ai froncé les sourcils et me suis dirigé vers les portes, que j'ai ouvertes brutalement; il faut toujours avoir l’air très occupé pour vos subalternes, voila comment l’on se fait respecter.
Mais, comme vous pourriez me le rappeler, ce jour la était destiné à être sous un mauvais auspice. Mlle Bernan, le secrétaire pas-vraiment-mignonne (j'ai cessé d’embaucher des filles mignonnes, elles n’arrêtent pas de réclamer des augmentations après s’êtres faites baisées), leva la main fébrilement et dit d’un avec un ton étrange:
"J’ai fais entrer votre associé dans votre bureau, monsieur".
Je me suis arrêté brusquement, et ai froncé les sourcils encore davantage: "mon associé? Quel associé, Mlle Bernan?
- Errr... votre associé, monsieur.
- je n'ai pas d’associé. J'ai fondé seul cette compagnie de consultation, Mlle Bernan. Ne savez-vous pas ceci? "
Elle me regarda, embarassée: "maintenant que vous le dites, monsieur...
- Bien, nous devrons parler de ceci plus tard. Maintenant si vous me le permettez, j'ai un prétendu 'associé 'à expulser de mon bureau "ais je froidement répondu, en ouvrant la porte

Je suis un homme qui aime avoir son petit confort, particulièrement au travail. J'ai obtenu une de ces chaises rotatives, couverte de cuir couleur 'crème 'qui semble oh... Tellement Exécutive. J'e possède également quelques produits pour des occasions spéciales, comme ces 'Roméo Y Julieta 'et un bon cognac. Et voila que mon 'invité' profitait des deux.
J'ai contemplé pendant un moment les verres vides dispersés devant mon bureau, puis le lourd nuage de fumée qui planait vers moi. La seule chose que je pouvais voir de l'homme assis dans ma chaise était les semelles de ses chaussures, qui étaient placées bien en évidence sur la surface d'acajou du bureau. Sentant soudain la colère du juste m’envahir, je déchirais la fumée du cigare pour aller mieux voir le parasite.
Il était relativement petit, un crâne un peu chauve sur le dessus, avec une petite moustache cirée que je ne pouvais m’empêcher de trouver ridicule. Un sourire apparut sur son visage en me voyant ce qui eut pour effet de modifier entièrement les traits de son visage: "ha, enfin vous êtes la..! Je vous attendais ".
Je ne répondis pas, mais fit un pas en avant, appuyant sur le bouton ‘'appel’’ de l’interphone et dit d’une voix blanche: "Mlle Bernan, s’il vous plait, appelez la police immédiatement. Il y a une certaine vermine que je souhaite être débarrassé".
Le petit homme sourit encore plus pendant que je me redressais. Il atteint l’interphone et appuya a son tour sur le bouton ‘'appel ‘'. Alors il dit d’une voix étrange: "finalement, Mlle Bernan, je suis sur que vous n’exécuterez pas cet ordre. En fait vous allez même annuler tous les rendez-vous prévus pour ce matin. Nous avons des choses a nous dire "et il se rassit en me faisant une petite grimace, alors que j’entendais horrifié la voix obéissante de Mlle Bernan répondant " oui, monsieur ".
Le petit homme me pointa joyeusement une chaise: "s’il vous plait, asseyez-vous. Je suis sûr que ceci va prendre un certain temps, a voir a quel point vous êtes réticents "et il souffla son propre nuage miniature du 'Roméo y Julieta '.

J'obéis, plus par étonnement a la vue du comportement de cet homme que par obéissance, et je m’assis lourdement dans une des chaises réservée habituellement a mes visiteurs à. Elle était fortement inconfortable, et pendant une minute je tentais de m’installer plus confortablement, sous le regard amusé du petit homme. Puis, quand il fut sur d’avoir ma complète attention, il souffla un nuage en forme de champignon nucléaire vers le plafond, et commença à parler
"Je suis ici pour prendre votre âme… ou du moins… ce qu’il en reste.
-...
- Aucune question? Alors si vous pouviez signer ici... "Il continuait, sortant de son manteau sombre une pile de feuilles de papier
- Qu... Qu’est ce que cela signifie ?
- Ha. J'étais sûr que vous n'étiez pas encore tout à fait au point,. Je suis ici... "il sortit une petite paire de lunettes de sa poche, les mit sur son nez, et pliant de sa main le premier papier "... je cite;
‘‘Au nom de la partie connue sous le nom de démon, Satan, Lucifer, Trickster, ou n’importe quel nom d’entité malveillante opposée à l'ordre dans l'univers connu, de ce fait indiquant des descriptions par croyance, systèmes religieux et sectes de tous les sorte, origine et buts comme indiqués dans la référence De Liberum Fulvorum... "Inspire profondément"... comme étant autorisé à se rassembler et manipuler jusqu'à ce que le dépôt ou la destruction par les moyens ait favorisé par l'entité malveillante mentionnée ci-dessus les âmes de ceux qui sont réclamés comme damné ou reconnu en tant qu'ainsi, sous l'acte de saint Jean, III,12 ‘’
Fin de citation, pourriez vous s’il vous plait me remettre votre l’âme, en vous remerciant?
- M... mais... Quels êtes-vous?
- Vraiment! Vous êtes vraiment lent. Je suis un démon naturellement. Habituellement les gens le devine dès que je mentionne Satan.
- vous ne pouvez pas être un démon. Il n'y a pa...
- mon cher monsieur, arrêtez vous là ".
Il me jeta une petite carte, qui ressemblait presque à une carte d’identité. La carte atterrit sur mes genoux, et je la regardais avec précaution. Il y avait une photo du petit homme, remarquablement réaliste, sauf qu'il avait deux petites cornes sur la tête. À côté de la photo, il y avait seulement deux mots: Etrigan, démon. Je levais les yeux vers lui, recouvrant mon calme, amusé de cette tentative grossiere de se déguiser... et perdit a nouveau mon calme quand mon regard rencontra les deux cornes qui couronnaient maintenant sa calvitie "
Ceci a tendance a aider" Il sourit, tandis que mon coeur décida soudainement de rejoindre mon estomac dans un voyage vers mes orteils.

Par Nugygjim Hyny le 17/10/2002 à 10:32:35 (#2350522)

*poutoute marlene pour la traduction commencer*

Par Ivanhoe le 17/10/2002 à 18:00:59 (#2353156)

what a wonderful essay !